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CHAPTER 5 : ANGELA’S GNASHES: OCTOBER
“Well, Angela, how are things going?” the Dean of Faculty hails Professor Dawney enthusiastically, as he emerges from a meeting with the Vice-Chancellor and sees her passing the VC’s office, on her way to the library.
Angela knows that he’s not interested in her health and well being. What he wants to know about, is Jennifer McEwan’s project. What he really wants is to be reassured of its potential 4 Star rating. Actually what he really, really wants is for Angela to take full ownership of this particular project which he has been steadily promoting with the Vice-Chancellor. To put her head on the block, so to speak.
For her own part, Angela has been careful to make sure that nothing she says can be misinterpreted. Quite apart from the usual problems of assessing the significance of research in its early stages, she knows enough about Jenny to realise that something could spook her and damage the whole project before she’s published anything at all. The outline that she has given the Dean before his meeting was worded as obliquely as she dared. Unsurprisingly, the Dean has recognised that Angela is holding back.
“Sherry?” he says. It’s not so much an invitation as an instruction to join him. “I’m sure the library can wait.”
As Angela sits down and the Dean simpers through the pleasantries. His smug self satisfaction is increasing Angela’s annoyance. She allows herself a few moments to consider the prospect of the Dean at the hands of one of the staff at Inward Bound. Ylena, she thinks, might have an improving influence on him, if Jenny’s account is anything to go by.
“So,” says the Dean, bringing Angela back to earth, “how are things with that doctoral student of yours. What’s her name? McEwan?”
“Working hard, Dean,” Angela responds, “busy on some further data collection. Still trying to see some sense in the data, I expect.”
Angela has noticed is that this latest project does seem to have caused a few upsets around the McEwan household. It wasn’t what she had intended, you understand? Not at all! But she has overheard some tense telephone calls going on when she’s walked in on Jenny. That, and the occasional, exasperated, “Oh, Joe!”
Angela is rather hoping that at some point Jenny is going to want to discuss the problem with her, which will give her the chance to have a chat with Jenny about the impossible nature of men in general and their unreliability as sexual partners in particular.
“I’m very glad that things seem to be progressing. The VC is very interested. I know we were worried about possible sensationalism in any coverage but we mustn’t let that interfere with the academic thrust.”
Angela is astonished by this. When Jenny’s research proposal had first been discussed, the nervousness over the subject matter had been palpable. Obviously the Vice-Chancellor and the Dean have either rediscovered academic principles, become desperate to show something interesting in the next round of the Research Assessment Exercise or been overwhelmed by prurient interest. She’s not sure which of the last two it actually is. She’s suddenly aware that she’s chewing her lip in irritation. She takes a deep breath, exhales slowly, sips her sherry and starts again.
“Well, Dean, I’ll be in a better position to assess the international position after my meetings In Moscow next week. There are a few papers tabled that seem to be touching on similar areas so we might find ourselves overtaken just as we are about to pass the winning post .”
“Surely, others working in the field means greater opportunity for international recognition? My own work only really got the recognition it deserved once the Americans started their work in the field.”
“It can help, Dean, but there’s always the risk of our studies being pre-empted or worse still having contradictory findings manifest themselves. You know how difficult it is for us to attract doctorate students, and manage to sustain the consistent support that’s needed to build a genuinely world class programme. I can just imagine the sort of support that McEwan would be getting if she was at Yale or Lomonosov.”
“Well, we must see that she gets the resources she needs,” the Dean replies, adding. “Within the bounds of the budget, of course.”
Angela purses her lips in annoyance. “I’m sure the Department will get very good value from this programme Dean.”
To herself she says, “I wonder how the little bitch is getting on?”
A NEW APPROACH TO DATA COLLECTION
Jenny is sitting at her laptop in her room at Inward Bound. She’s just had a shower; she’s wearing the towelling robe from the bathroom. She’s finishing off some of her notes on the behaviour and responses of two of the trainees who have just encountered Ylena for the first time. She’s feeling jealous, remembering the eager submission of one of the girls, and Ylena’s evident appreciation.
Gerry and Corinne come in to the room without knocking. Jenny looks up. They are deep in conversation; it’s almost as though they don’t realise she is there. “I think it’s a very good idea,” Corinne says to Gerry. “It will be nice to have one.”
“That’s what Ylena thought,” Gerry responds. “It’s just lucky that there’s one on-site.” He puts down the bag he’s carrying.
“Excuse me,” says Jenny, a little irritated. “I’m trying to do some work here.” Having decided to get to grips with her work, she wants to get on with it.
Corinne and Gerry take no notice. Instead Gerry reaches into the bag and pulls out a collection of straps and what looks like a pink rubber bone. Without a word to Jenny he has the straps around her head in a moment, the ‘bone’ pulled across her mouth like a bit. “Haarng!” Jenny protests but somehow she isn’t moved to put up more than a token struggle as Gerry tightens the buckles. Jenny tastes the rubber of the bone. The scent of the leather straps fills her nostrils. “There we go, pooch,” says Gerry. He pulls off her bathrobe with little effort, moving her from hand to hand as he untwines the towelling from her arms, leaving her naked. He traps her arms. Corinne takes each of her hands in turn and slips on a leather mitten. The end of each mitten is pulled back and fastened to the wrist cuff, forcing her hands into a fist and robbing her of the use of her fingers. Another broad belt is fastened around her waist. The two of them force Jenny down on to all fours, straps and short chains link her elbows and knees to the belt. Then there’s something else, more leather, clipped to the leather harness around her head, across her nose in front of her face and on the top of her head. She shakes her head to try to prevent them fitting it but she can’t stop them. Corinne and Gerry stand back.
Jenny shakes her head and gives another “Haarng!” through her rubber bone bit.
“Don’t fret, pooch,” Gerry says. Jenny realises that she can’t stand. The chains from the belt to her knees and elbows are so short that she’ll have to stay on all fours.
“Look what I’ve got for you,” Corinne says. She’s holding a collar but it’s not one of the heavy rubber and stainless steel collars that Jenny wore when she was first here; this one is pink leather, decorated with bright silver studs. Corinne buckles it around Jenny’s neck and fastens a leash to a ring on the collar. “There,” she says “isn’t that fine? Now be a good dog and come with me.” She jerks Jenny around until she is kneeling beside her.
Jenny looks up from the floor at Corinne staring down at her.
“Haarng?” she says.
“Good dog,” says Corinne, “Good dog.” She pulls on the lead sets off. Jenny unable to do anything else without being choked by the pull of the leash, shuffles along beside her.
Jenny falls quickly onto the new role that Corinne and Gerry have assigned to her. She tries to keep up as Corinne leads her down the corridor. Other submissives stop and wait quietly with bowed heads as Corinne passes. They don’t seem to notice what has been done to Jenny. They seem just to take it for granted, Jenny thinks to herself, that another woman here is being treated as they are. And that is a relief.
In Corinne’s room, Jenny is introduced to a large wicker basket on the floor near to the foot of Corinne’s bed. “You’ll sleep here,” Corinne explains, “You’ll go back to work tomorrow but if you’re a very good dog, we might let you have some more time like this. Is that good?”
Jenny knows that this is the only opportunity that she will have to object, but she doesn’t want to object. If she can undertake her work and at the same time, let it be clear that she is not part of the Faculty, she will be happy. In reply, she ‘mews’ over her rubber bone gag.
Corinne laughs. “Good puppy!” She turns to Gerry. “You’ll swear she understood every word. We can leave her here to sleep for a bit. I’ll bring her some food up later.” Corinne pats Jenny on the head and loops her leash around the bed post. Jenny knows that with her hands helpless in their mittens she won’t be able to release the leash from the bed post or her collar. She curls up in the basket and watches Corinne and Gerry as they leave. It’s only as the door closes with a click and she turns back that she sees a reflection of herself in Corinne’s wardrobe mirror. The leather pieces that Gerry clipped to her harness have given her a long snout and two floppy ears. With her hands formed into paws by the mittens and the pink rubber bone strapped across her mouth as well, there’s no risk of her being mistaken for a dominant, that’s for sure.
It’s an hour or more before Corinne comes back. Jenny has actually fallen asleep and the first she knows of Corinne’s return is when she awakes to Corinne, crouched by her side, stroking Jenny’s head. Corinne unfastens Jenny’s leash from the bed and leads her across the room to where two metal bowls have been put down on a plastic mat. Corinne unfastens the rubber bone and tosses it back onto Jenny’s basket.
“There you are. Eat up, puppy,” she says.
Jenny looks down at the food in the dish and then up at Corinne. A moment’s defiance wells up in her, “I can’t eat this,” she says.
Corinne looks at her in irritation. It’s not clear if this is because of Jenny’s objection or the fact that she said it. Whichever is the case, Corinne is very quick to respond. She runs her hand down the leash, swings it and slaps Jenny on her buttocks with the leash end. It’s made of thick, stiff leather and stings painfully. “Ow!” Jenny yelps.
“Bad dog!” Corinne scolds, “bad dog!” She continues to spank Jenny vigorously with the leash and to stop the beating, Jenny submits and pushes her mouth into the bowl, as best she can. It’s almost impossible to eat with her leather muzzle getting in the way but she manages a few mouthfuls of the mix of meat gravy and biscuits. It seems to satisfy Corinne and, Jenny reflects, it doesn’t taste too bad. Jenny takes a lap or two of water in the same way.
“Now, back in your basket,” Corinne orders with a pointed finger.
Jenny does as she’s told and curls up on the blanket. She looks up at Corinne who’s smiling with approval. With her leather mittened ‘paws’, Jenny picks up the pink bone and wedges it in her mouth. The taste of the rubber mingles with the flavours of the food. She lays down and is asleep in moments.
Jenny wakes up. She’s feeling incredibly stiff - she’s been sleeping, curled up in a basket. She aches all over. Her mouth is full of the taste of the rubber bone; she fell asleep with it still in her mouth. Her face feels sore where the stiff leather edge of the muzzle has pressed against her cheek.
She can’t believe how easily she has accepted what has been done to her, although she has never fantasised about animal play before. As she thinks about the events of the past few hours, she feels nothing except gratitude for the way Ylena, Corinne and Gerry have responded to her needs.
She can hear Corinne in the bathroom. She’s desperate for a pee. After last night’s beating with the end of the leash she knows that asking to use the loo won’t be welcomed. She knows that she’ll just have to make herself understood without speaking. If I go along with this puppy play, she thinks, I’ll have to get used to just barking, whining or growling. She’s not at all sure how she can make it work but she has no alternative but to try and her full bladder is providing all the encouragement she needs to play her new part as well as she can!
Corinne emerges from the bathroom, wrapped in towels. She looks down at Jenny as she scampers by, heading for the loo. Jenny practically chokes as Corinne reaches down and grabs her by the collar.
“No, no, no!” she exclaims. “Not in there!”
Jenny can’t believe that Corrine will make her go outside, but she does. She slips the lead on Jenny’s collar and guides her to the French windows, out onto the terrace in the cold morning air and over the lawn with the cold grass damp against her knees across towards one of the flower beds. Jenny knows what she has to do. It’s even more humiliating than when she first had to pee in front of Jo in her cell on her very first night at Inward Bound.
Jenny stays down on all fours and spreads her legs as wide as she can, letting a stream of pee fall to the ground. It feels wonderful in spite of the humiliation. “Good dog,” says Corinne leading her back to the terrace. “You only have to scratch at the door if you want to go, you know.”
Before she lets Jenny back into the bedroom she wipes her off with some toilet paper. That at least is an acknowledgement of the difficulties which come with this sort of game. Much though Jenny might like to be able to, she can’t lick herself clean.
“Now,” says Corinne, “Stay there. Stay!”
Jenny manages to manoeuvre herself into an approximation of a dog’s sitting position, kneeling with her front paws between her knees.
Corinne pats her on the head, says “Stay!” and starts to get dressed.
She throws on some clothes in the most casual manner but at the end of it looks just like she’s stepped out of a magazine. She’s one of those women who looks cool and efficient without any effort. She crouches down beside Jenny. “Are you happy with this?” she asks. “Does this help?”
Jenny nods and then barks an accepting response, “Rowf!”
“Good,” says Corinne. “Well, we’ll keep things like this between you and the staff but I guess you’ll need to be able to stand up and use your hands if you’re going to do any work, won’t you?”
Jenny is almost disappointed. She drops her head to one side.
“Don’t be cheeky!” Corinne warns. Jenny knows that she is just as resistant to pushy subs, as Josephine had been when she’d warned her against ‘topping from the bottom’. Corinne reaches down and releases Jenny’s elbows and knees from the belt so that she can stand up. She unfastens the mittens, freeing her hands and takes off the muzzle. “You’ll keep the collar,” Corinne says. “I quite liking having a pet around, but you need to get on with your work. All right?”
Jenny nods. She knows this is going to be a workable approach.
Corinne smiles. “All right then,” she says, picking up the end of the leash. “You’d better follow me. Oh, and put your hands behind your back until you need them.”
Jenny does as she is told. Corinne leads the way out of the room and into the corridor. Jenny smiles. If she had still been wearing her leather muzzle and could prick up her leather ears, they’d be standing proud.
Jenny spends most of her time observing, naked and wearing her collar. It doesn’t matter; the place is warm and she’s used to being without clothes, especially here.
The faculty take no more notice of her than they do any of the participants and the participants take no notice of her at all. That’s hardly surprising; they are all in the early stages of learning how to cope with their surroundings, learning to obey, learning to accept and endure punishment, learning to cope with a reality that is almost certainly well beyond their fantasy.
Jenny makes a note to herself that this is an area which needs exploration; the effect of expectations on the perception of reality.
Much of what the participants are put through corresponds exactly to the experiences Jenny originally endured. She hadn’t thought that it would be so easy to draw parallels between her own experiences and those of the participants but Corinne and Charlotte have worked out an effective regime and they seem to carry it out with great consistency.
Jenny does her initial interviews. She thought it was going to be more difficult than it turned out to be. Charlotte suggests that they make it seem like some sort of interrogation as but at least Jenny gets to play “Good Cop” to Jo’s “Bad Cop”. And, once she gets started, she finds it easy to sink herself in the process.
Just go through the sequence, she tells herself. Ask the questions. Collect the data. Make the observations. There’s time enough afterwards for thinking about what it all means.
So that’s how she spends the whole week. Day time observations, interviews and recording. Night time curled up at the foot of Corinne’s bed. It’s actually working out surprisingly well, thinks Jenny.
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Footnotes.
1. The VC: A “Vice-Chancellor” is the chief executive of a British university
2. A method of rating the significance of research. “4*” implies work of international significance. http://www.rae.ac.uk/results/intro.aspx has further information.
3. Lomonsov : Moscow State University
JOE REFLECTS ON THE EXPLORER’S RETURN
Jenny is back after her first week. She seems very happy and relaxed and - fulfilled. She was really keen to talk about her week. That surprised me, but I am glad that she feels she can. Actually, I am relieved that she feels she can share this with me. She was full of how much she learned and how the data was really what she hoped for and how well, what she had recorded this time corresponded to her own experience, last time. Her enthusiasm for the project was infectious - and she was really keen to make love when she got back, too! She’d barely got through the door before she had her arms around my neck and was leading me upstairs. I guess watching people in an erotic situation for a week gets your juices flowing, no matter how good an academic you are!
The down side is that the Inward Bound experiences seem to cast a very long shadow over us and that disturbs me. After all she’s been through, I'd have thought she'd have had enough of them, apart from collecting the data for her research. I can’t tell if it is the people there or the experiences which have become addictive.
She received an email this morning. Now she's thinking about nothing else again.
Apparently, she says, her tattoo isn't finished. I know she said that when she came back first of all but – jeez – there's hardly a part of her back that isn't covered with ink. Sure, it looks good – actually better than I thought was possible – and she's really proud of it – but more? Sometimes, I just wish she could get over the whole experience and the two of us could get back to normal.
Anyway she had this email from, what's his name? – Jonathan - saying it's time for some more work. I can't say I'm happy about it, especially since most of the places I've seen doing tattoos seem pretty sleazy. And, like I said, it just seems as though Inward Bound are trying to keep their hands on to her.
But one thing's for sure. If she's going down to see him, I'm going too.
Ink Inc is a surprise. It's the studio where Jonathan works; between Regent’s Park and Camden Town. I'd expected a sort of shop, I suppose, maybe under a railway arch somewhere, pictures in the window of bare backs with blue red and black designs across them but this is as different from my expectations as it could possibly be.
I’m ready to tell Jenny that this isn't a good idea; that I’m not letting her go in. (I'm not sure what she’ll say to that. I mean, she says she's a submissive but she still seems to have a mind of her own.)
The studio looks more like the offices of an advertising agency than a tattoo parlour. It’s in a 1930's style building that wouldn’t be out of place in an episode of “Poirot”. The waiting room is clean and bright, lots of Art Deco style and a friendly receptionist who offers us tea while we wait - a bit like going to see a private doctor or dentist.
Jonathan appears after about fifteen minutes – we'd been early anyway, Jenny had been so keen to get there that she'd insisted on us leaving plenty of time spare at every step of the journey. Jonathan turns out to be Chinese, from London (as far as I can tell): very sparky and self assured.
“Hi,” he says, “Jonathan Tan. You must be Joseph?”
Jenny looks surprised. I wonder why. It’s only later that I find out she never knew his surname. He'd just been 'Jonathan'.
There's something very likeable about him. He seems to have a very open, pleasant personality that makes it easy to be comfortable with him. He’s definitely not what I was expecting, when I think about how Jenny fell into his hands.
I tell him how much I like the work he's done on Jenny's back.
“Mmm,” he says. “She is a good canvas.”
Now that sounds a bit strange to me. As if she is an object rather than a person. But Jenny doesn't seem bothered. She just blushes and lowers her eyes. Somehow, I feel like I’m intruding.
Jonathan senses my discomfort. “Look, you're welcome to watch while I do this,” he says. “It will take a bit of time, but you're welcome to come into the studio, really.”
I’m about to say, “I'm coming in to look after Jenny, no matter how long it takes” when a stunning looking girl appears.
“Hi, Ros,” Jonathan says. “This is Joseph and Jenny.” Ros nods and grins, friendly. “Ros and I set this up together when we decided that we wanted to make our lives in London.”
I’m a bit surprised. I assumed Jonathan wasn't in a relationship, for some reason
“Hi,” she says. “I hope you like the studio.” Her accent is American. She sounds a bit like a Californian girl I used to know. She's tall, taller than Jonathan, with pronounced Chinese features apart from her black hair which is really curly. Jenny doesn't say anything. Perhaps I stared too hard at her, trying to work her out.
“Well,” I say, “it’s not what I expected.” Maybe I sound a bit sharp. I’m still not completely happy about the whole enterprise. No one says anything about Inward Bound but I’m wondering if Jonathan emailed on his own initiative?
“I guess I’d have to say that it's what our sort of clients look for.” She turns to Jonathan. “I'm taking a break for a while,” she says. “My next appointment isn't for another half hour. Are you starting with Jenny now?”
Jonathan nods.
Ros turns to me. “Well why don't you and I share a coffee. It's hard work waiting around in the studio while one of us is working.”
All right. I know. One minute, I'm one hundred percent protective and consumed with worry on Jenny’s behalf and the next moment, my tongue's hanging out thanks to a stunning looking woman who wants to take me away, to have coffee with me. I am going to have to confess to inconsistency – and to being a man!
“Thanks very much, Mrs Tan, I'd like that,” I say, politely. Now Jenny is looking a bit concerned. Well it won't hurt if she has something to be just a little concerned about, I think. It introduces a little symmetry into the situation!
“Great,” says Ros, “but it's Ms Buchanan. I haven't married him.”
Jenny looks even more worried as Jonathan leads her out of the waiting room. I wonder for a moment if I should stop them but Ros says, “Let's have that coffee,” and by the time I look back Jenny and Jonathan had gone.
“So is it just you and Jonathan here?” I ask. Ros is on the far side of the room, fixing coffee with a precision that made me think she takes more pleasure in coffee than I ever do.
“No,” she looks back at me over her shoulder and shakes her head. The curls of her hair bounce in response. “There's four of us in the team - another tattooist, Andy, and Nicola, who does the piercing.” She picks up the two cups of coffee, brings them across to the low table I’m sitting beside and puts them down.
As she does so, the door opens and a young, slim, smartly dressed man with a neatly trimmed goatee beard comes in together with an elfin girl in her early twenties. “And this is they!” Ros waves as the two of them reply with 'good mornings' and disappear into one of the rooms that opened off reception.
“Did she do Jenny's piercings?”
Ros thinks for a moment. “No. Jenny got hers at Inward Bound didn't she? Nicola's not really done anything with them. Not really her thing.”
“I know how she feels,” I say with a sigh.
“Really? I assumed you were quite keen – for Jenny, I mean.”
“Sorry, did I say that out loud? Well, to be honest I'm confused by it all.”
I find it easy to talk to Ros, I don't know why. Jenny and I have not always it easy to talk about some things in our relationship. I would hate to do anything to hurt or upset her. I've seen too much of all that. But perhaps, you can be too close to someone to talk with complete freedom about everything? When you are close enough to understand that careless words can wound and the deeper and more intimate is the issue of the moment, the more careful you have to be, so that your words build the relationship and not build obstacles between you?
“You should try it. A tattoo or piercing. You don't have any do you?”
“No, I don't. And I'm not planning to get any either.”
“That sounds very definite. Maybe you should be a bit more open to things.”
Ros's bluntness is a bit disconcerting and I guess I snap back in response. “Hey, I think I've been pretty 'open' to what she's been up to so far.”
Ros looks apologetic. “Sorry,” she says. “I was out of line. I hadn't realised it was such a touchy subject. Look, Jonathan and I are pretty open with each other about our turn-ons. I forget sometimes other people don't do that. You’re not really a 'scene' person at all are you?”
“Scene?”
“The whole SM thing. Doms & subs. Bondage. Submission. The Kink Community.”
“You make it sound like a movement. Like some sort of big club?”
She smiles and nods. “It seems like that to us but I'm not trying to make you feel like an outsider.”
Outsider is certainly the right word. I guess I’ve felt like that since Jenny began to tell me about her experiences. I feel I should have been there, to make sure she was safe and deep down, I’m disappointed, if I am absolutely honest. I am disappointed that there is an important part of her life that doesn't include me. That did not grow from our relationship together.
Ros goes on. “Look I don't want to evangelise this or anything, but you're going to have to at least make sure that you and Jenny think about this the same way. I can see how she feels . You must know it's important to her? If it was not, she would not have gone through the Inward Bound experience. That's pretty heavy stuff by anyone's opinion. You could see it when she went off with Jonathan just now. The look on her face - anticipation and anxiety – says it all. I've seen it lots of times.” Ros smiled briefly and shook her head. “Sometimes, ... poor Jonathan....”
As Ros talks I realise that she has more than an observer's interest …
“But seriously. You should think about it – if nothing else it might let you feel something that Jenny feels.”
That last remark makes some sort of sense, perhaps the only thing that has made complete sense this morning. But surely I know how Jenny feels, or do I?
Ros looks steadily across at me. She is faintly intimidating. It feels uncomfortable, but not disturbing. There is something compelling about the combination of her oriental features and her American directness and bounce. I could – just – imagine letting her near me with a tattoo needle. And actually, the elfin Nicola could have attractions as well. Whoa! Now just wait a minute! Is this mindset infectious?
I bring myself back to the discussion. “Well, there's something in that,” is all I say.
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Footnotes.
1. “Poirot”. Celebrated British TV adventures of the famous Belgian detective, Hercule Poirot. Created by the crime novelist Agatha Christie and set largely in the 1930’s
© Freddie Clegg & Phil Lane 2010
All rights reserved. Not to be reproduced or reposted without permission
All characters fictitious
E-mail: freddie_clegg@yahoo.com
Web Group: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/freddies_tales/
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