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The 9th Hour
Author: WolfenDom
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(Added on Jun 8, 2002)
(This month 57268 readers) (Total 77699 readers) |
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She was stopped by police on the street, arrested and thrown into jail, and was force to be a slave for the cops. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 2 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (5/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (5/10) |
| Lowest
Rating: (5/10) |
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 30, 2004 |
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had the potential to be great but it realy missed the target (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
Powerone
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 8, 2002 |
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The story was good and the premise was good. The only problem I had was your style of writing. You tried to hard. Just write your story. You have to much prose.
"Blocks away, within perhaps five minutes of meandering streets off of the
main drag, she recognizes the local precinct building with it's
governmental cold construction. A small alleyway delivers them into a
concrete courtyard surrounded by more harsh brick, and the car quickly is
heeled to a stop, as the two almost immediately are out. One at her door
reaches in and manhandles her to stand on the ground, the other ascends
four steps to ring a doorbell/buzzer outside a stern steel-grey door. In no
time flat, she is swallowed inside the maw of the precinct hive."
Too many adjectives that do nothing to add to the story. Who ever said "is swalled inside the maw of the precinct hive".
(5/10)
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