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Ain't Life A Bitch?
Author: misspublicproperty
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(Added on May 3, 2003)
(This month 18336 readers) (Total 55073 readers) |
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Young lady leaves home, only to find the real world can be quite... "dog eat dog". |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 8 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6.5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (6.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (7/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (4/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Dusty Spring
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 28, 2009 |
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Way to go! Why not continue it? You'll have at least one avid reader, I can assure you of that! (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
bagles
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 6, 2006 |
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It was a good story to read but to short. I hope to see more of this story later (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
jip
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 14, 2006 |
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could have been developped better, but as it is apparently your first story I gave a 7 to encourage you. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
LeashPet
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 8, 2003 |
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good reading. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
Curtis
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 5, 2003 |
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I guess I'm going to dissent here. My thought was that there was an awful lot of build-up for a story this short, but that the sex, while abbreviated, was satisfactory. My biggest complaint (for which I did not mark down) was that the final two sentences echo a story I wrote and was considering posting here! (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
Jonathan
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 4, 2003 |
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I mostly agree with the previous reviewers. This was an okay story, but its main shortcoming was that it was too short.
In general, I don't think you can do a proper short story in under 10,000 words. In stories as short as this one, you don't really have time to get to know the characters and if you don't know them you don't care about them.
As noted by ladys maid, Trina's life at home should have gotten more attention and her relationship to her mother expanded along with the change in that relationship after she married.
As for Trina's later adventure, this also could have been expanded. As a point of personal preference, I would have preferred that Trina had not been drugged for her debut. I would have found it more interesting if she was fully in control of herself and aware of her circumstances, but helpless to prevent what was happening to her. That is, however, a point of personal preference and not a judgement of the quality of the story.
With respect to structure, it needed more paragraphs. Also, with respect to dialog, each time you change speakers, it's a new paragraph, even if it's only one word. That helps readers to keep track of who is speaking and in a two speaker dialog allows you to leave out some of the quotation attributes (the "he said", "she said" that hang on the end of quotations). This can also make the dialog flow a little better.
Hope that helps. (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
ladys_maid
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 4, 2003 |
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I understand that this is the author's first attempt at story writing and it is not a bad effort. The story could, however, be made so much more enjoyable if it was more detailed, giving the reader an increased sense of exactly how and why events came to pass. One example I would take from the story is the change in her mother's character when she becomes involved with the bank manager. Why did she change? How did she change? To simply say that she became docile does not give the reader any insight into the events surrounding this (fairly dramatic) change in circumstances. It is those sorts of "thoughtful" details that really bring a story to life. I really do hope that the author will develop this story further. Keep it up! (4/10)
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- Replied by:
publicproperty
(Edit) (May 4, 2003)
- ladys maid~
i appreciate you taking the time to add insight. All very good points...bear with me-I'll learn.
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| Reviewer:
LordCrop
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 3, 2003 |
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You stopped to quickly with the story, you could have devoloped it futher and made it much more enjoyable. (6/10)
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- Replied by:
publicproperty
(Edit) (May 4, 2003)
- LordCrop,
Thank you for reading the story, and for your constructive criticism. This is my first attempt, So we'll see what improvements can be considered in the future.
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