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The Beast
Author: MistressKali
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(Added on Jul 20, 2004)
(This month 76639 readers) (Total 123256 readers) |
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An accident leads to a life that Traci never imagined was possible. Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 11 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7/10) |
| Average
Rating: (7/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (5/10) |
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| Reviewer:
CeruleanDreamer
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 9, 2012 |
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This is a delightful story. I wish it were me instead of Traci! The subject material is right up my alley. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 5, 2007 |
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not bad, different yet enjoyable (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
OttifantSir
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 20, 2006 |
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I tend to like the straight-to-the-action stories more than the ones building up the characters for half the story, but this one would benefit from a little more character building.
And a little more description on the emotional side of the cow pet would better the story too. All in all, I would say probably four or five more paragraphs would make this a ten.
And a sequel/continuation/next chapter would be nice (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
drinky
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 18, 2005 |
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Delightfully dirty. (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
agp_millie
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 4, 2004 |
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Lovely story and i'd be pleased to be Editeress next one. (smile)
Hope you write more. xxx
agp_millie@lycos.com (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
redEva
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 29, 2004 |
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This one is so totally right up my alley!
I loved it! As some reviewers, that I respect, pointed out the paragraphs could be bit better if they are tad smaller (not that it really, really bugged me!). Style in MHO is great. Story is fabulous. There could be bit more background about the farm itself maybe next chapter or when she is broken down and slowly introduced to the farm and other inhabitants. Milking is just fine stimulation is what counts and eventually she can be pumped up with hormones to actually start producing milk or it can be left until she starts naturally as she is meant to be impregnated.
I would have not given her to King right at the first day but it was a treat. For those who do not find it believable with the right contraptions and alignment/distance it would be possible hard but possible and definitely just as possible as horse is. One thing that I would like to see changed is part when he is climbing on her he would have broken her back and no one could have lifted him
that would take a bit more of explanation about the contraption she is in that would support bulls weight and allow him to get on top of her.
Like any fantasy story it has elements that are not possible in real life but that is why we (me at least) enjoy them! Im curious to see what you have in store for her *grin*
Good work! (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
stormbringer
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 24, 2004 |
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Interesting story, I am not sure I understand where is going, a little to hardcore for my taste but good anyway. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
bisarah
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 22, 2004 |
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i thought this story has a good premise and could developed quite nicely. it was puzzling as to how these men found her in the wreck and where they took her. Also, why wouldn't her friends or family be looking for her.
I wasn't sure about the "Master" of the story. I would have placed him at the beginning having him take control of her and sharing her with others. I figured King would be a dog, because a bull in R/L would be impossible.
Shorten your paragraphs and clean them up a bit and this would be a great story! (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
longrover
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 21, 2004 |
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I can't say I did more than skim, but I want to honor the author's request for comment. I have no problem with the bbw theme, or her adventures. I have some wording quibbles, but hey, I'm sure lots of people have problems with my own.
I switched (quickly!) from reading to skimming for two reasons.
The paragraphs are WAY too long. Even if a long paragraph develops a complex idea thoroughly, readers like shorter paragraphs. When the paragraph is long, readers have to keep track of everything that's going on in it -- they (or at least I -- shouldn't claim to speak for all) get confused, lose track of what's going on, perhaps lose their breath is a good image.
Big blocks of sans serif text, the kind the web uses by default, are hard to read. There's lots of research on the point -- sans serif for headings, titles, and other short blocks, serif for big blocks. Apparently the little tags on the bottom of the i, l, A, etc. help the eye keep its place.
Go for it! I'll look for a revision (or you could let me know) and I'll write a new review, one that will almost certainly have a higher score.
Lon (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
lex ludite
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 21, 2004 |
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There is plenty in this work that is good. This reader found the writing to be more than acceptable and well proofed for a draft, or in fact a finished product.I really liked the idea that she was heavy; not only does it fit in with the theme of the story, but it is such a refreshing change from all these long legged, lovelies with massive breasts and perfect teeth who usually people these tales. From my perspective I don't see how this story can be made much longer; if it were mine I'd seriously consider ending it now. Perhaps I might further develop her relationship with her main captor to give the ending more plausibility. That is something for the author to decide, not me. On the more critical side I found most of the paragraphs to be too lengthy; this acted as a distraction, which is something all authors should avoid like the plague. Dialogue is another problem. Usually dialogue, especially if longer than one brief sentence should be treated as a separate paragraph, for each exchange of character. Most writers follow this rule, but it certainly is not appropriate in all cases. Now to the issue of the set up of the story. You have stated that she is going to a farm she has never visited before. I have to assume she is therefore a stranger. How is it that she conveniently has a minor accident and just happens to be the perfect physical specimen for a group of demented rustics who just happen to be into some bizarre form of animal worship, or whatever? By the way, the answer to this query is not simple, but I am sure that something can be developed that will remove this rather glaring hole in the fabric of your fine story. Another minor departure from reality is the use of the bull as a sex partner. I know lots of authors, even famous ones, have mated women with stallions, some symbolically, others traditionally, but a bull is a reach even for fantasy. On the plus side your description of her humiliations and rapes was top notch, you can bring the heat when it is appropriate. If you can generate heat, you can play in this particuar sandbox, unless you write like you failed remedial english when you slept through high school. In summary, you are a lot closer to getting your child out of the house than you may realize. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
chksng19
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 20, 2004 |
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The story shows promise. Concerns show in a few areas: 1) consistancy; is master kindly or not? he bounces all over. 2) would such a situation introduce her to a bull the first day?
3) Rules at the end could come sooner in the story, so she knows what's going on.
Did she produce milk? Has she been given hormones to rush the startup? What about the car crash, her life: won't someone miss her?
She's a whiner, true, but BBW are not shunned everywhere; as the saying goes, "Every woman has what every man wants".
I wish you success; add to this, or enrich it. I'd love to see it when you're done. (5/10)
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