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Mastered By Three
Author: Roxanne Lange
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(Added on Oct 28, 2005)
(This month 52660 readers) (Total 92943 readers) |
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Alexia, an 18 year old cheerleader, finds herself in the midst of a special occasion with three of the boys from school. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 9 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7/10) |
Average
Rating:  (7.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (6/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Firedom
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 20, 2005 |
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Alhough I think the writing skill is not at the 10 level, it's a good start. For example, the initial descriptions of the characters made me think more of a police report than a story. I'm certainly looking forward to more chapters. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
chattel69
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 5, 2005 |
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Very good, I am hoping to see more chapters in the near future. (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
BigCat
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 2, 2005 |
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Very little of the ambivalence, the inner tension that often precedes one's submission the first time. However, good scenario, (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
bdsmbill
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 2, 2005 |
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You do need to work on how to handle dialog, and her drop into submission was too sudden to be believable. Other than that, this was well written and a good storyline. You have talent. Now you just need to work on the mechanics. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
Anniegal
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 30, 2005 |
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Not bad. Thought the story line a bit rushed. It would have been more believable if there was a lead up of the young lady getting to know the young man and being drawn into the dominant submissive behaviour before actually jumping in with both feet. I agree about the paragraphs being too long. The reader sometimes has to find their place. Looking forward to the next bit. (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 30, 2005 |
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please continue withthis, it has the making of a great story (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
rilawild
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 29, 2005 |
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This is an enjoyable story. My criticism is purely structual not the story contents at all.
As Rocky said, you need to review your paragraph structure. The final few paragraphs are very long and make it difficult to read. I kept losing my place and had to go back and try and find it again.
This is something that should be easy to fix. Your imagination and the story itself is good, so keep up the good work, a few changes and it would be significantly improved. (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
Rocky
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 28, 2005 |
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The diaglogue was rather stilted, but my main criticism is your tendency to place multiple people talking within the same paragraph. Normally, when there is a change in the person speaking, a new paragraph should begin. Take a look at any commercially available novel, and you'll see what I mean. This made your story very difficult for me to read; I had difficulties determining who was speaking at times. Make the necessary fixes, and I'll consider revising the score, because it does have promise. (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
bobanddianne
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 28, 2005 |
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An excellent beginning to what promises to be an exceptionally erotic story of female submission and acceptance of her sexual need to be controled by strong unyeilding males.
We are both looking forward to future chapters,
Bob & dianne (10/10)
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