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Why Must Everything Be So Complicated?
Author: Alex Page
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(Added on Feb 1, 2009)
(This month 55464 readers) (Total 62464 readers) |
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When Amy, a recent college graduate, discovers that her friend, Erin, is inexplicably failing all of her classes, the obvious suspect is grief over her sister\'s recent passing, but that doesn\'t quite seem to fit. Instead, noticing how distracted her new friend has been, lately, Amy suspects frustration resulting from the non-existent love life her friend has had since that fateful day might be more at fault, so she decides to help out ... personally. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 5 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (9/10) |
Average
Rating:  (9.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (8/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Martiniman
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 29, 2011 |
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This was just so good. Actually it was excellent! I now want to read MORE about Amy & Erin! Where did there relationship go? Any chance for more of these two? Please!!! (10/10)
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- Replied by:
AlexPage
(Edit) (Jan 9, 2012)
- Thanks for the kind words. Things have been getting in the way, but I do have further plans for Amy & Erin. I've already got the next few scenes written out and several more already mapped out in my head. I just need to get them out of there and onto virtual paper.
I'm not promising anything, but hopefully we'll see something soon.
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| Reviewer:
Dryhill
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 24, 2010 |
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i agree with JimmyJump on the sharing of Amy's room but i think a better scenario would have been for them to share the room and when getting ready to sleep realise that one of them would have to sleep in Susan's bed. Hence they share one bed and then get aroused for each other.
i love the slowness and detail of this story, for once we really get to "know" these two characters - remember one of the all time master pieces is about an old man catching a large fish, yet Ernest Hemmingway takes an entire book telling you about it.
i hope there is going to be more and Erin better improve her grades or i will get angry and want to help Amy punish her! (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
msilsby
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 4, 2009 |
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One of the best stories I have read for a long time. Its all about compassion and tenderness - and it keeps you on the edge of your seat - what will happen next?
Very well written, full marks to the Author. You have talent! (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
Curtis
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 4, 2009 |
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163 kilobytes of foreplay. Amazing. Thank you for including the 'slow' code. Could things please now move a little faster?
The only complaint I have about your writing is the same one I have about mine — you appear to get bogged down in the details to the detriment of moving the story forward. (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 1, 2009 |
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Good story, though I haven't finished it yet. A couple of things I would have done differently, though.
First, I wouldn't have moved Erin in with Amy, but vice-versa, for the obvious reason that, when staying in Amy's room, both girls are constantly confronted with memories of Susan. Worse, Erin is now forced to sleep in her dead sister's bed. I don't think that it's an obvious thing to do, do you?
Secondly, the 'getting together' between Amy and Erin is too brusque.
It would have been more subtle when, for instance, Erin would have been unable to sleep and had asked if she could join Amy in the latters' bed, and start the shenanigans from there.
Also, the explaining that Erin is a lesbian should have been added during the very first escapade, not eight months later...
Anyway, don't be put-off by this 'critique', as it is not my intention to tear down the story, on the contrary.
Am off to cop some z's, as it's 5 AM here... I'll finish the story later today...
Must add that indeed, you took a risk by tackling such an emotionally laden tale, but so far, you do a pretty good job.
JJ (8/10)
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- Replied by:
AlexPage
(Edit) (Jan 9, 2012)
- I always read every review, but I dragged my feet registering in the forums, so I'm only replying, now. Since you were the first to raise these issues, I hope you don't mind if I treat you as a spokesman and respond to most of them, here.
First off, you're absolutely right about the issue with the sister's bed. In fact, I still have an earlier draft where I addressed that, very issue, but it bogged down the prologue, dragging it out, unnecessarily. We needed to know about the the major events and the emotional impact. We didn't need a play-by-play for the week that followed, especially when the real story happens elsewhere.
In other words, there is a method to my madness. I just haven't found a good place to dig into it, without dragging everything else to a screeching halt ... and as others have already mentioned, the story's slow enough as it is.
In the meantime, I'll simply say that just because they're in same room, that doesn't mean either of them was sleeping in Susan's bed. (Before anyone gets too excited, the the reality is nowhere near as salacious as Dryhill's suggestion. I'm just saying that there was always a plan, here.)
As for when they "got together," if I did it correctly, Amy being a lesbian isn't really relevant until we start dealing with her guilt, after the fact (i.e. 8 months later), but that's probably a scene where my reach vastly exceeded my grasp. In fact, while I don't necessarily agree with your suggestions on how to fix it, I do agree that the whole scene was nowhere near as effective as I'd have liked it to be.
Lastly, to borrow your earlier phrasing, I hope no one is put off by my critique of your critique. I do appreciate the feedback, and while I may not agree with all of it, I read every, last bit of it and give it fair consideration. I may be stubborn and fairly set in the course that I've laid out, but I'll be the first to admit that I'm far from perfect. I'm always open to any ideas that can help me to write better stories, in the future.
Thank you to you and everyone else who commented. It's always appreciated.
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