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Perfect
Author: ConstantDomination
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(Added on May 29, 2010)
(This month 54176 readers) (Total 63121 readers) |
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What should I do to make this woman perfect? |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 2 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6/10) |
| Average
Rating: (6/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (7/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (5/10) |
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 11, 2010 |
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Besides the mentioning of the odd notion that usually, pretty girls almost never seem able to be intense --according to ConstantDomination that is-- "Perfect" is too short.
Not in length, mind, but in depth.
Some stories are like left-behind pets, tied to a tree because the pets don't follow orders and thus don't fit in the family's plans.
Folks who do that have the strange misconception that a pet --usually a dog-- comes with built-in basic training, like, 'sit', 'stay', 'roll-over', 'fetch' or 'don't-you-fucking-shit-'n'-pee-on-our-$2500-rug'...
Some writers deliver stories like that; stories that are missing some basic information, presenting us a fully trained 'pet', passing over the how and why and in which way everything came to be. Because it's easier to do that than having to go through great lengths of explaining the reader those preliminaries.
I thought that the purpose of writing was just that: explaining things to potential readers. Seems I was wrong. Maybe. But I would never shorten a story by several chapters by doing away with a whole year of possibly interesting stuff, just in one sentence...
But hey, we're safe, because the narrator knows 'the training has held'... Okay. So, why don't you write down what this training was like, because, for "Perfect" that was the most important part. Now we are being presented with a teaser trailer of a possibly great story, but the movie itself was apparantly too hard to make...
JJ (5/10)
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- Replied by:
constantdomination
(Edit) (Oct 15, 2010)
- Ah yes. Instead of "show, don't tell", authors should "tell every little detail". I'll update my lit professor.
- Replied by:
JimmyJump
(Edit) (Nov 6, 2010)
- I didn't say you should "tell every little detail", but instead that you should/could add at least what came before, as now, you started the story with a prefabricated -almost- perfect 'subject'.
While the most important part of the story -how the woman become to be 'perfect'- is sorely missing, the tale is incomplete.
JJ
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| Reviewer:
Curtis
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 3, 2010 |
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I wish I could've given this story an '8', but it was too short. There used to be a 10k minimum for story submissions on this site, and "Perfect" is a perfect example of a story that could've benefited greatly from the added length. (7/10)
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