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Swiss College - a classroom vignette
Author: Nominalista
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(Added on Jun 9, 2010)
(This month 63091 readers) (Total 80430 readers) |
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This is a vignette set in the Swiss College, an environment about and inside of which I propose to write more in the future. The dangling threads have been left intentionally so, in order to provide hooks for more vignettes and short stories. Still, I would like this text to be able to stand on its own. Since it is a vignette and not a short story, you should not really expect a plot. Just plenty of erotic tension, and the most exciting presentation you can imagine. As you know, no contemporary human is allowed to spend a day without attending at least one presentation with boring slides. Luckily, our Miss Ross knows how to keep her classroom awake. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
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of Ratings: 5 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (9/10) |
Average
Rating:  (10/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (10/10) |
| Lowest
Rating: (9/10) |
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| Reviewer:
bracemaiden
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 25, 2010 |
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I like this as a starting point for other stories - it leaves so many ideas and hanging threads open, yet stands on its own. Neat! (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
graycat
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 18, 2010 |
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Great from a technical standpoint, fantastic from a creative standpoint! Nice pacing, interesting ideas and good description. I look forward to reading more of these vignettes. (10/10)
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- Replied by:
nominalista
(Edit) (Jun 20, 2010)
- I am happy you and others like it - I can say I am working on more :)
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 16, 2010 |
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Cleverly devised storyline, which also had me wondering a few times, like, when the author is letting Sandra give a full bodied presentation of multiple piercing devices, making the aparatus sound like some chunnel-digging wheel drill. I mean, how long can it take to transperce 10 to 15 millimeters of skin tissue?
But like I said, things were cleverly presented and although schools with programmes deriving from the norm have been the focus of many a story before, "Swiss College" is of a stature which isn't cheesy (with or without holes) nor makes you go 'Cuckoo' on the hour every hour...
Well done.
JJ (9/10)
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- Replied by:
JimmyJump
(Edit) (Jun 16, 2010)
- Clever, of course... *cough*... but absolutely no objection; rather a musing over a situation in the story. Because, that particular situation is a well-fitting part of the story... Regards, Nominal. I whole-heartedly hope to see more stories from your hand.
JJ
- Replied by:
nominalista
(Edit) (Jun 16, 2010)
- Clever objection! It all depends on how fast the piercing needle advances, you see... you can make it very very very slow. Excruciatingly slow. As a matter of fact, Sandra got away quite easily.
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| Reviewer:
Michael247
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 15, 2010 |
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The very first thing that went through my mind when I read the opening of this story was "What the hell kind of school is this?" How the heck do you go from the scents of coffee, chalk, wax, after shave and occasional drops of perfume to adolescent pussy juice mingled with the deeper egg-white flavor of sperm? What the hell are these students doing? Taking a sex class? Oh. YES. THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE DOING. AWESOME!
*** Okay, now that we've got that out of the way, we need to talk a little bit about definitions. Vignettes are short sketches, or as Wiki puts it: short, impressionistic scenes that focus on one moment or give a trenchant impression about a character, an idea, or a setting. The author makes it very clear that "Swiss College - A Classroom Vignette" will not adhere to conventional story telling and is a vignette. Umm...no it's not. It's a short story, and a damn good one at that. It has an introduction, character development, plot, climax (three if you count Sandra's, Mike's, and mine) and resolution/cliffhanger. It's a story. Hopefully the first in a long line of Swiss College stories. A whole book! I want the whole collection of Swiss College curriculum stories!
*** The author has an excellent grasp of grammar, sentence construction, and format. I didn't notice any errors, so either there were none, or they were so minuscule that a casual reader who was more intent on content wouldn't really notice. Even better, the story was constructed well.
*** I loved how Sandra was pushed on by the instructor, moving her along the plot path. Dialog was excellent. Not to much, and not to little. Descriptions were vivid and I had no problem envisioning the entire classroom. Wish I had been there... uh... on the Dominant side of the room of course.
*** My only complaint was the introduction of the "Network" and "HUD" system. It was introduced as a convenient excuse to get all the piercing machines to go off at the same time and was rather incongruous with the rest of the story. I guess that the story takes place in the future, but until the HUD was introduced, the story could have taken place at anytime. It would have been really awesome if the author had set up the HUD at the beginning of the class, and maybe allowed the instructor to "examine" the bio-feed back data of Jeanne's body suit, or so and so's clitoral vibrator, or Sandra's vibrating egg, or who was having trouble adjusting to their anal plug. That kind of stuff. I liked the pain idea, but the instructor should have used it a bit more frequently to give it more establishment than a "pull it out of your ass" method to make something happen.
*** I rarely give tens and I admit I actually went back and looked for things to complain about. But as you can see, I failed. Why? Because this story is just too much fun. Can't wait for the sequels. (Yes, plural. Sequels. I want more than just one.) Yours Faithfully, Michael Alexander (www.michaelalexanderstories.com) (10/10)
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- Replied by:
nominalista
(Edit) (Jun 16, 2010)
- I had written a long reply, but the system logged me out - how very unfortunate. Let's see if I can piece it together. First of all, thank you for your 10, and thank you very much for your thoughtful review. I am not a professional writer, so this is a type of attention I appreciate...
I was afraid of having excess dialogue. I realize that having my character talk a lot is a proclivity of mine, and I am trying to cure myself of it by having more things happen, rather than being described. Perhaps it is just a consequence of how talkative I am in real life.
The HUD is indeed a large piece of technology to be introduced so glibly. And I could definitely make it work harder for the story. At the same time, I did not want to it be a complete plot device (or a Checkov's gun). In the world of the Swiss College, the HUD is nothing exceptional, it is common technology like a web browser would be now. And of course it brings with itself the risk of the user getting drunk on information and turning into what Neal Stephenson in Snowcrash calls a "gargoyle" and what I call a "panoptic spider", which is not as compact but has a good ring to it.
Another hint that the story is set into the future is that Sandra's body is based on a "pattern" and clearly some radical alteration has been made to it.
btw, quite happy to have collaborated in the building of your climax :)
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| Reviewer:
kinkcrazy
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 11, 2010 |
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A great beginning with lots of potential derivatives (10/10)
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