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Jon & Jill
Author: JK
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(Added on Apr 2, 2011)
(This month 121422 readers) (Total 130110 readers) |
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Jill is in love with Jon Folkkes. She learns his is a Dom, with very definate ideas about femazle submission. She agrees to be his sex slave, but her mother gets caught up in being a slave to Jon |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 2 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (7/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (6/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Dryhill
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 7, 2011 |
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i really, really wanted to give this story a ten rating, honest i did. However there were rather a lot of spelling errors, in fact one sentence did not make sense and a few bits that bothered me.
1. In chapter two we are informed that when Jill's father died they (Jill and her mother) were left "financially well off". I know we are not told how long mum is out of work, but it does not seem that is more than a few months and yet she is getting into financial trouble. i have never been financially well off and yet i am still surviving, financially, having not worked for over four months due to a serious illness.
2.About halfway through chapter 8 Master Jon promises Jill that He will not "knowlingly allow Jerry Tucker to have control of her (Jill)". Yet half way through chapter 9 Jerry Tucker is abusing Jill. The only mitigating point is Master Jon has told His slaves that Sir Steven and friend were coming - did Jon not know who the friend would be?
3. A third of the way through chapter 9 it is Thursday and Jon tells His slaves that Jim Carew is coming on Saturday evening. Yet a few paragraphs later and we are told it is Saturday evening when Sir Steven and Jerry Tucker arrive. Chapter 10 opens with the words
"It was Saturday Evening"
Then we go into the action with Jim Carew. Not bad having two Saturday's in one week.
Now it is for the above points and the number of spelling errors that i have rated this an eight rather than the 10 the story really deserves. The story is well told, with good characterization and plenty of clear detail about the various actions, clothes and settings that enable the reader to picture the scenes. And as far as i am concerned i love a romantic ending. i know it is supposed to be females who like romantic endings, but i think there is not enough about the love between Master(Mistress) and sub(slave)in most D/s stories.
Thank you JK for an excellent story and totally enjoyable read. (8/10)
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